If I Could Say What I Want To Say
by Nicole Lo
Summary: A story about Augie, his love triangle with Ridge Runner Ivette, Daisy-Ezra-David issues, and of course Scott and Shelby. (Reviews greatly appreciated) REVISED AND CONTINUED!
1. Default Chapter

If I Could Say What I Want To Say By: Nicole Lopez  
  
Summary: Me and some of my friends become Higher Ground characters . actually it's more like a reflection on things that happened, or seem like they might happen in my real life-there are the normal break-ups and make- ups, but a sense of knowing who you are towards the end, plus non-stop drama and angst in the middle.  
  
Chapter One: Lonely, Broken-Hearted  
  
"So what do you think about that one?" Maria asked, pointing to a guy across the cafeteria. Ivette didn't even look up, but she still shook her head anyway. "What's wrong with him? He's cute. I'd do him." "I can't just get over him like that. You just don't understand." "You never tell me anything anymore. How can I understand?" Maria shot back. "I'm getting a little fed up with your moodiness." "Really?" Ivette looked up for a split second. "He's already president of that club . and the first one to say that to me." Ivette tried to be strong. She didn't even mention Augie until he walked past her, with Juliet on his arm. "No regrets." Ivette got up from the table, neglecting to dump her tray. "What did I miss?" Adam came and sat down on the other side of Maria. "Nothing Lenny." Maria smirked. Her expression became serious once again. " . just Ivette's fifth break-down of the day. I don't know what he she's in that Juliette girl."  
  
"Is it just me or have we been getting evil looks from that table since lunch started?" Raquel wondered. "If my boyfriend dumped me and hooked up with his ex the next day, I'd be pissed too." Shelby had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Raquel was the newest addition to the "Cliffhangers." Even though she had been there for six months, maybe more, she was just so clueless. Raquel was the reason that dumb-blonde jokes had been created. "But THAT would never happen." Scott jumped in. "Of course not." Shelby smiled as Scott gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "Not while we're trying to eat." Daisy mumbled. Everyone at the table laughed, except Scott, Shelby, and Raquel who didn't get it until five minutes later, literally. "Why did you dump her anyway Augie? You guys were so cute together." Daisy retorted sarcastically. "Juliette's the one for me." "Since you're not with her anymore, is she up for grabs?" David wondered as more people started to sit around Ivette's friends. Ivette had left a long time ago. "I'm in the mood for something African." Everyone stopped and just blinked at David. "Scott, if you didn't have Shelby, you'd be thinking the same thing." "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of David." Raquel explained. "You're saying that I said something stupid . this coming from a girl who's as dumb as rocks." "That's rude." Shelby held back a laugh. Everyone was thinking the same thing, but Raquel was still pretty cool. "You're a jerk." Raquel picked up her tray and threw the remainder of her food on his shirt. "OOPS. Sorry." She left, U-turned and came back five seconds later. "And I MEANT to do that too." She stalked off, this time not coming back. "Whoa. Looks like blondie has a feisty side to her. I like." David smirked.  
  
"I thought I'd find you here." Adam came and sat down beside Ivette, who had attempted to hid in the woods. "So. Why are you here?" "Maria says you've had another break-down." He explained. "No I haven't. Can't I just get up and go away if I want without everyone breathing down my back? Augie and I broke up. I accept that. It's over. Just let it go Adam." Ivette answered bitterly. "Let it go? You're the one who's been crawling around crying every second. Ivette, stop acting like he's the best thing that ever happened to you. Stop doing this to yourself." Adam grabbed her shoulders. "Get off of me!!! You don't understand anything. None of you do . you're all the same anyway, so what's the point?" Adam slowly stood up. "You're right. Why do I even bother with you? You're too blind to see what's right in front of you." Adam walked away. "You're so SELFISH that you only think of yourself!" He yelled as Ivette flinched. It wasn't the fact that she had been yelled at and called selfish . that happened all the time, but this time Adam had been the one to do it. That in itself was enough to put her on the brink of another break-down.  
  
"Did you talk to her?" Maria asked Adam, following him to the courts. There was a game going on between them (the Ridge Runners), and the Cliffhangers. "I talked to her alright." Adam pulled a jersey over his face. "And?" Maria did the same.  
  
"I'm not the only guy on her 'to kill' list." "What do you mean?" Maria passed him the ball. "What do you mean, what do I mean? Ivette hates me too now." Maria stopped dead in her tracks. "Did you say something stupid?" "No." Adam avoided Maria's glare. "What then . did you say she was stupid . tell me.did you mention the word stupid?" "None of the above. I just wish that she would get over him and realize that he's not the only guy that exists." Maria broke out into a grin. "You like her, don't you?" "No, not like that." Adam took a shot and missed. "A clear sign of a liar . I saw it coming." "You couldn't have seen anything. There's nothing to see." "Yeah, there is." Augie walked by with Juliette on his arm with Ivette close behind. From a distance, no one could tell that she was literally hanging on the edge. "Good of you to join us . maybe ." Maria decided to keep her mouth shut for once. This was all too good too keep bottled up for too long, but in due time, Ivette would know the truth. "Thanks for not telling her." Adam whispered, walking behind Maria and talking his place on the court. "You better hope I feel this generous tomorrow." 


	2. Did I Ever Tell You, How You Make Me Wea...

**Chapter Two: Did I Ever Tell You, How You Make Me Weak?**

"Good game." Adam said, followed by the rest of the Ridge Runners and Cliffhangers. Ivette was last in line, hoping to escape having to see Augie and touch his _hand_ without completely loosing it.

"Good game Ivette. You did good out there kid." Augie smiled a friendly smile at her. How could he smile at her like that and pretend like nothing was wrong? Didn't her broken heart mean anything to him? "Don't be afraid to say something back chica."

Ivette shivered. She use to love it when he called her chica, but now it just made her even more depressed. It made her see what she had lost. "I'm not going to even waste my time talking to you."

"She's too good for you Ciercos. Get over it." Adam wrapped his arms around Ivette's waist.

"Are you two an item now?"

"You've got Juliette. What does it matter what I chose to do?" Ivette asked, playing along. Augie shook his head and walked towards Juliette, kissing her. They began to make-out right in front of Ivette.

"Don't worry about him." Adam let go of Ivette.

"How can I not? They're always in my face … everywhere I go." Ivette looked and sounded defeated. "This is not what I thought I was getting myself into when we started to go out. God, I wish I could take it back."

* * *

"Would you stop looking at me like that?" Daisy asked Ezra. Ever since she decided that her "thing" with David was over, Ezra had been giving her looks, and following her around.

"I can't help myself when I'm in the presence of a beauty like you." Daisy rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to change my mind. We already tried this thing Ezra."

"Who said I wanted to start a relationship with you?" He shot back. Daisy held back her surprised look.

"What do you want then?"

"Friendship."

"I could've guessed. Once again the cat is outsmarted by the mouse." Daisy looked down at her hands, feeling a moment of insecurity and weakness.

"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment … let's start over …" Daisy began to smile, but she saw the two couples walking towards her. There were three if you counted Raquel and the new guy, Morgan.

"So, what's going on with you two?" Scott wondered a little too loudly.

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like Ezra just asked you out, again." Juliette smiled friendly.

"Two people of the opposite sex conversing does not have to result in one being attracted to the other. In case you've forgotten, the platonic thing and the relationship didn't work out. And, I don't believe in second chances." Ezra winced as she said her last statement. Everyone was quiet for a while.

* * *

Ivette lay her head on her pillow. Despite the game and the numerous

encounters with Augie, her day had been fairly decent. However, being optimistic was never something Ivette was very good at. All the bad out-weighed the good when memories of Augie kissing Juliette kept flowing back. Then, there was the break-up. She'd lost her boyfriend, her happiness, her life …

"Guess what I got you for your birthday?" Ivette asked Augie, as she began to search through her bag.

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"I'd _show _you if I could find it." Ivette smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. It was amazing what a year and three quarters of braces could do for you.

"Don't worry about it chica." Augie wrapped his arms around Ivette's hips. She smiled as he kissed the side of her face. The other girls walked in, but as soon as they saw Ivette and Augie, they walked the other way. Juliette looked especially crushed, but she was the one who had chosen to cheat on Augie and THEN dump him. In Ivette's eyes, she had it coming.

"Does it get better than this?" They sat on Ivette's bed, facing each other.

"How about I show and you tell me?" They both grinned as Augie's lips probed into hers. The sensation penetrated throughout her entire body. This was something that she had always written about and prayed for. Who would've thought that she would find it in a place that seemed like "hell."

It was actually a far cry from it. Anything could beat the painful memory of watching your parents tear each other apart until nothing mattered anymore, not your feelings, your existence … Ivette shut her eyes, trying to hold back the pain. Instead, her true feelings came out with tears that shed from her eyes. She still didn't know where things stood with Augie, but was just content to lay there with him forever.

"You're not dating Adam, are you?" Augie asked as Ivette looked into his eyes dreamily, shaking her head.

"I miss this … I mean you and me just hanging out." She explained as Augie suddenly began to talk.

"Gotta go chica." He whispered as soon as Ivette started to get comfortable, kissing her on the check before walking out. Ivette's heart dropped. He had that way with her every time.

* * *

"Would you stop staring at me? I know we have to work together, but seriously." Raquel complained, roughly thrusting a heavy dish at David. She knew that he didn't like her and was through trying to be everyone's best friend. One Juliette was more than enough.

"Can't I bask in your beauty?" He wondered, reminding her of someone who had stolen her heart with non-existent charm.

"You can help me finish the dishes." Raquel responded as David shrugged. At least he had tried. "Oh my God." She began, dropping a glass that should've never even been there in the first place.

"Good job." David said sarcastically as Raquel pushed him playfully.

"It was an accident." She reached down to pick up the glass, but jumped back as she realized how sharp it was. "Shh. I didn't know it was that sharp." Raquel explained to David, who just nodded and went for the first aid kit. Noticing that there were no cotton swabs left and nothing to wipe up the blood, David delicately sucked the blood into his own mouth, spitting it out in a near-by trash can.

Raquel breathed in suddenly as David wrapped her hand with some gauze. "I don't know whether to thank you or be grossed out."

* * *

Maria heard Ivette crying. She didn't know for a fact that it was her, but it was a good guess, considering that the sobbing sounds were coming from the bed right next to hers. Maria quietly climbed out of bed and walked over to Ivette's as the crying stopped.

"I know you're crying. I can hear you from a mile away." Ivette continued to pretend like she was sound asleep. Maria made herself comfortable and sat down on Ivette's bed. "I know it hurts…" She stroked Ivette's hair.

This was an unusual act for Maria, who was use to always being the one who needed advice and a shoulder to cry on. But, what kind of friend would she be if she just left Ivette alone in the dark like that? "You're obviously avoiding me, but when you decide that you need someone, tell me. I'll be there."

Ivette laughed, inside, at that one. I'll be there? Yeah right. What bull shit. Who had been there until the end? No one. Absolutely no one. Not Augie. Not her parents, and definitely not Maria who was more concerned on who she was gonna "do" next. Life's a bitch. That's the best conclusion she could come up with … but who says that it has to be for all time? Who said one couldn't take everything into their own hands?

(A/N: This is an old story I started two and a half years ago, but I'm fixing it and continuing it. We can all thank **Hayden Christensen** for that because he starred in Star Wars III, I went to see it, remembered how **gorgeous** he was, and was inspired to continue writing my **old Higher Ground stories**. Plus, writing Degrassi stuff gets boring after a while … and confusing. Hope you guys are still interested … and it's funny to see how the people that were my friends in this story aren't close to me anymore. Lol **That's life.** –NL)


End file.
